Before Moving On, Pack Your Bags!

x10231330Valentine’s Day just passed and if you are single you are probably thinking I need to take the next step. Before you look for that new love, please, please make sure you have taken care of your emotional baggage. You must make sure you have taken down all those protective walls. I know you are panicking thinking that will make you too vulnerable. Sorry, but if you seriously want to have a successful relationship you have to be completely open and receptive.

Unfortunately anyone over the age of 30 has probably had their heart broken at one time or another and has some type of baggage. The problem with unresolved issues are they hold you back from looking at another relationship honestly. No one deserves to be painted with the same brush as your last partner or partners. You need to remember it was that person or people that hurt and disappointed you, not all members of the opposite sex.

I have personally met so many people with enough baggage to sink a luxury liner. Some of us seem to attract it more than others and I have looked at why I do and that is a whole other post. But speaking from past experience, it is so sad and painful to be on the receiving side of these assumptions, doubts and walls. It is completely unfair to the new party to be accused, questioned or judged for someone else’s mistakes.

Unfortunately, no matter how wonderful the rest of you may be, unresolved baggage will almost always kill a relationship. Think about what you are drawn to in a new potential partner; is it their positive energy and their openness? How exciting and enticing, but you both have to be ready. If you are asking “why are there always problems in my relationships,” maybe look a little deeper and closer to home.

Some people bounce around like billiard balls on the relationship table, trying every pocket hoping  one of them will be a perfect fit or solve their problems. The truth is  unless you deal with these unresolved issues, they will come back to haunt you in every new relationship, no matter how perfect that person may be for you. Sorry, if you are trying to mend that broken heart with a new love, it is probably not going to work, at least not for the long term.

Every one of us has to be responsible for our own happiness! Before you can look at a new relationship, you have to be comfortable with your past and dare I say it, forgive them and yourself! Every one of us has to look at our part as there are always two participants in a failed relationship. Why did you let someone treat you like that? Why did you behave that way? You need to be emotionally healed, happy and comfortable with yourself and not feel the need to fill that hole with someone else.

When you feel complete all by yourself but you choose to want to share your happiness with someone else, then you are at the right place. Then and only then do you have a chance at a happy lasting relationship. Relationships are a lot of work at the best of times, so you can imagine if you have jealousy, abandonment or trust issues. Sometimes the pain can date back to your childhood, your parents or friends. Don’t you want the next relationship in your life to be the one that lasts, the one that works for both of you? I believe that no one intentionally goes into a relationship planning on hurting their partner, but if you have not dealt with your past it is inevitable.

I love “Being In Love” but I do not and I am sure you don’t love going through a unresolved baggage meat-grinder. I wish I had a magic wand and I could heal everyone emotionally so you could all start fresh and scar free, but that is not reality, your happiness really is up to you! Before trying to move on, make sure all your bags are packed and on a bus heading out of town. Next stop open Heartsville. 🙂

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